Words alone cannot express my feelings about certain things. However, since I’m currently writing a blog, I thought I’d give it a try. Don’t be too alarmed if you find a picture or two along the way though.
A few days ago, I had a little one on one time with one of my daughters. As much as I’d like that kind of thing to happen more, to be honest, it just doesn’t happen very often. It doesn’t matter which one of the four it is, when it does happen, I don’t take it for granted.
This particular kid is about to turn six years old next week. She’s smart. She’s not just smart for her age, but she’s pretty intelligent if she was about to turn 8 years old next week. She talks “older.” Does that make sense? She’s still a kid, so of course she is still very inquisitive about things a six year-old doesn’t know yet. However, she just seems to have a lot of intelligence about things they don’t necessarily teach in school.
So, there we were, eating our Chinese food when randomly she states “Dad, I’m glad you and mom aren’t divorced anymore.”
“You are?” I asked in return.
Smiling, she said “Yeah. It’s a whole lot easier now that we don’t have to argue about which house we want to stay at. Now we all just go to bed together in the same house, and we wake up together in the same house!”
Her facial expression changed from a big grin to a rather solemn one almost immediately after saying that, followed with a “I feel bad for my older sisters though. They still have to argue about where to go sometimes.”
Swallowing hard, and looking into my kid’s eyes, I just felt like she “got it.” It was almost like this kid understands something some adults never do. Some adults are so damn stubborn, and some just don’t care, and some just up and leave when the going gets tough. When that happens, some kids just “get it.”
They get that divorce, or breaking up is hard. They don’t always fully understand the “why it happened” usually, but they know that it sucks. They know that they have feelings that sometimes aren’t being accounted for. They know that sometimes one parent or maybe even both parents have feelings that aren’t being accounted for. When you talk to different age groups of kids, I’m sure they will all give you a varied response about divorce.
Every single divorce is different. Every circumstance in every divorce will never be the same as someone else’s. Different people are in every one of our lives. Some kids may have the best family in the world, and at the same time, be going to the worst school district in their state. Some kids may have an amazing education, and nobody at home that even notices.
Bridging the gap between education, friends, family, necessary activities, and extracurricular activities is sometimes a huge integral part in helping children with divorced parents, or broken homes. Some kids are expected to go to college because their parents did. Some kids are expected to go to college because their parents did not. Having a support team in place is vital in our children’s lives. It’s crucial that we, as parents, recognize when their support team is lacking, or wavering.
My wife does not know her biological father. I cannot even start to imagine what that feels like, yet she is far from alone in this world. Having a divorced parent who has joint custody is a far cry from someone you never see. That being said, I can tell you sometimes it feels as if my older kids are on the other side of the ocean even though they’re usually in the next town.
I talk to my older kids a lot about more grown-up things, so it was a rare moment I shared with my younger daughter. I was impressed by her words, and inspired by her wisdom. Words alone cannot express the feeling I get when my kids share their thoughts, their feelings, and their real, honest opinions about things to me that mean a lot to them.
I am super proud to be their dad. I know they know that now, because I tell them on a regular basis. I try to show them just as much. Hopefully I’m on the right path, that well after I’m gone they’ll think to themselves “Words alone cannot express how much my father meant to me.”
Trust me, words alone cannot express just how much they mean to me.