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It’s Hard to Let Go…


It’s hard to let go.  Duh.  If you’re able to read this, you are probably capable of understanding the meaning of that sentence.  At different points of our lives we learn that very thing.  Just as a heads up, I’m typing this with a heavy heart.

Life is tricky..  First of all, none of us (not me, not you, nor anyone else that’s ever existed on this earth) has asked to be here.  Yet, here we are.

Our lives are interwoven between close friends, family members, acquaintances, coworkers, and everything in between.  Some of us have a hard time at this thing called life.  Others have a knack for overcoming most obstacles that is thrown into our way.

Certain things make us tick, if you will.  For instance, at this very moment, I have quiet piano music playing in my headphones.  I almost never wear headphones, but I like to when I write.  It’s something that makes ME tick.

I’ve came across many things in my lifetime that was hard to let go.  In Fourth Grade, I woke up to get ready for school, and noticed my pet bird Scotty had died.  I put him in  a shoebox, crawled under my bed with him, and cried and cried.  I didn’t want to go to school, I didn’t want to see anybody, and all I wanted in the world was for my bird Scotty to come back to life.

I had a girlfriend in high school my senior year that was the one.  I fell so hard for someone, not realizing our lives had barely begun.  My life had hardly started to take shape, and there I was trying to predict a future that just was not meant to be.  Needless to say, I was an absolute wreck when our relationship ended.

A long time ago, I had a friend that told me that I had been raised inside a “box.”  And when I finally started taking steps outside of that box, I wasn’t going to know what to do, how to behave, and part of what he said was true.  We’re all raised a little different, and he and I had very contrasting yet sometimes very similar views on the world.  I think these fleeting moments of clarity between two people are what causes people to become friends more than just coworkers.

Sometimes a smile you receive as you hold open a door for someone lifts you out of a funk you had no idea you were even in.

I’ve let quite a few people into my life over the years.  Some of them not much by choice (family), and others I have openly invited to share in part of my life.  I guess, in a way, that’s what I’m doing at this exact moment.

Honestly, I’m a tad emotional right now, and writing is making me feel a little bit better.

I’m in a unique situation right now in my life.  I’ve come to a point where I don’t want to fight anymore.  Fighting hurts.  I’ve got myself into trouble one too many times where words were said that hurt someone else.  I remarried my wife after our divorce, because I’m done fighting.  Life is too short to be mad.  Life is too short to cause someone pain.

I’ve been done arguing with my ex-wife for quite some time now.  We are in this together, at least for the next few years.  We have to finish what we’ve started.  Our oldest children are not going to raise themselves.  Thank God my kid’s mother and I each found someone who complements each one of us, and is walking side by side with us as we all four tackle the challenge of raising our family the best we know how.

Be empathetic.  Be humble.  Be a kind person.  Be a good friend.  Learn.  Learn more.  Listen more.  Love more.

These are things I strive to teach them on a daily basis.  Not because someone is forcing me to, but because I’ve lived far too long without attempting to put my best foot forward in every aspect of my life.

As I’ve gotten older, I realize that my children are getting older right along side me.  So is my wife.  My parents.  My kid’s mother.

WE are getting older everybody.  Our days are limited.  Our time is up sometimes entirely too soon.  Last night, my oldest two daughters lost their Grandpa.  Their mother and aunt lost their father.  And my heart absolutely weeps with sadness for them, because he was their everything.  Just last week, as I looked at pictures of him playing dress-up Santa for the umpteenth time, my oldest told me he was her best friend.

My mind keeps drifting away, back to a different time.  Back to a different world that I live in now.  Back to before I was ever a parent, and I met him for the first time.  He appeared at the front door wearing a white wife-beater tucked into his light blue boxer shorts.  His knee high black dress socks along with his coke bottle glasses made him look like a cartoon character.  He was sweating.  Music was playing loud from his basement, where his wife and he had been dancing their evening away.  That was almost eighteen years ago.

He was protective of his girls.  He always cracked jokes that made the older kids cringe, and the younger ones laugh with glee.  He stepped up as a parent when he needed to.  I admired him for that.  My kids adored him.  They have a younger sister now too, that loved him with every inch of her tiny heart.

As most of you know, life never happens like you think it will, and his was no different I’m sure.  Talking to my kids on the phone last night and this morning it’s plain to see.  A lesson will be learned from this.  Unfortunately, I’m just not that ready for them to learn it already.  He will be missed by many.

It’s just so hard to let go sometimes…I hope you truly do rest in peace.

 

 

 

 

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Author:

Hello. I'm a 37 year old installation specialist, former bartender, husband and proud father of five children (all of which are girls).

5 thoughts on “It’s Hard to Let Go…

  1. Loved what you said about your bird that died when you were little. You were obviously always a good soul. Now it seems a good dad and a good man. Your kids lucked out with you and you with them.

    You write with heart, insight and a good flow to your words without being superfluous. You should be a writer.

  2. Be empathetic. Be humble. Be a kind person. Be a good friend. Learn. Learn more. Listen more. Love more. I totally agree. You are doing a fine job, you already know you cant stop, so keep loving more, My hugs to your eldest daughters, RIP to their grandpa, my love to all of yours. Glad i discovered your blog, found via YouTube video made by your wife of your babies dancing, how adorable. Nice. Keep writing, you are an inspiration. Cheerios.

  3. Reblogged this on MariaJob and commented:
    Life is too short. Be empathetic. Be humble. Be a kind person. Be a good friend. Learn. Learn more. Listen more. Love more. Do you agree to be all that? i just discovered another cool blog. Dad of Four Girls. Girls Rock, don’t we?

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