“I intend to live forever, or die trying.” -Groucho Marx
There are certain things in this lifetime, that I’ve yet to accomplish. There are certain things in this lifetime, that I may never accomplish. But there aren’t too many things in this lifetime, that I’m not willing to try to accomplish.
I thought I’d make a little list of things I’m either trying, have tried, or would like to try someday. Some of these may not make any sense to you, but that’s because they pertain to me, my situation, my life, and possibly, my eventual happy place.
I am trying to get divorced. That is a lot easier said than done, but once my divorce is done, I feel like life can finally move on. Right now, it feels like I’m a hamster running on it’s wheel, about to pass out from exhaustion. I feel like every foot I put forward, every stroke of the keyboard on another form, every discussion I have with my children’s mother, is a step in the right direction.
I am trying to be a better friend. I feel like when you get married, have children, get older, your friends sometimes drift away. I hate that. I realize my friends have also gotten married, had children, and gotten older, but I think sometimes we lose friends out of convenience.
I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle. This one is especially difficult for me, because I like the convenience of having food ready-to-eat. I eat out a lot. By “a lot,” I mean way too much. I don’t really look like I’m out of shape, but boy do I feel like it! I want to lose about zero pounds, but reshape the way my body looks. I actually think I’m at a pretty healthy weight, but I want my body transformed. Who doesn’t want to look and feel healthier?
I am trying to be more understanding. Every one of us is different. Every one of us had different parents, different friends, different teachers, different influences on us as we grew up. We all have different jobs, went separate ways after high school, make different amounts of money. Some of us spend money wisely, some of us don’t. Some people use people, and some don’t. Some people dress differently, talk differently, and act differently. Some people raise their children differently. Every one of us have different outlooks on life.
I am trying to be a good dad. I am trying to do so, without compromising myself. It is hard being a single parent who is divorced. It is hard to not be taken advantage of by your kids, and by your kid’s mothers. Sometimes, I put myself in a situation I don’t want to be in, because I’m too nice. Sometimes, if I try not to be too nice, I feel like a jerk. I know I’m not one. In fact, I am probably one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. I’m not just saying that. I really feel like I have nothing but good intentions for my life, and for everybody I have associations with. I am very straight-forward, and I don’t like it when people aren’t the same with me.
I am trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I feel as if living my life to please others, isn’t working out for me that well. I feel like I am helping, or have helped enough people get ahead, and for once, I’d like to reach my potential as well. One thing I’ve heard my whole life, is how much potential I have. I am eager to find out what they’ve been talking about.
I am trying to retain my sanity. In case you hadn’t noticed, I have four daughters. My oldest will be thirteen this year (an actual TEENager)! This year I am bracing myself for pimples, possible period(s), braces, puberty, hormones, estrogen, boys, phones, more boys, etc. I am about to be divorced for a SECOND time. I only have one of me, and I’m feeling spread a little thin right now.
I’m trying to figure out what to do with my blog. I like it. I like writing it. I like that it contains all of these memories. That’s what these are for me. My blogs are kind of like pictures of my life at different phases of my growing up. I kind of want to expand it, and possibly host in on a different site. I’m not sure, but I’m trying to figure that out.
I’m trying to just figure my life out, in general. This isn’t easy, this much I know. Trying to be the best person I can be isn’t on my mind all of the time, but at certain instances, it’s all I can think about. My kids need me to be strong. They need me to be vulnerable at certain times, but mostly they need me to be their hero. That’s not a big title to live up to, is it? Believe me, I’m trying. I promise.