Posted in dad, daddy, expectations, Family, Family Time, fatherhood, jobs, Kids, learning new things, Parenting, responsibility, work

So, I Finally Got a New Job…


“I HATE coming over here now!” my oldest daughter screamed at me. “I hardly even get to see you anymore! Then, when you do finally get here, all I hear is ‘Make sure your homework is done. Or, did you take a bath yet? Oh, hey, have you done your reading for the night?”

I hear sniffling from beneath her covers, and gently pulled them down over her face just in time to reveal a single teardrop falling down her cheek. I sat next to her on her bed and pulled her head into my chest. She burrowed her face against my shirt and whispered “It’s not fair, daddy…”

Her voice trailed off and I just held her there, snuggling with the near identical (female) copy of myself (twenty years ago). My head raced with what seemed like a thousand thoughts, trying to think of all the right things to say to her. Sitting here, almost a week later, I still feel flustered about where I’m going, what I’m doing, and if it’s going to be worth it in the end.

A couple of weeks ago, I started a new job. I have been waiting tables and bartending for the last few years. I have worked in numerous jobs over the past 15 years ranging from factory work, fast food, grocery store clerk, for the post office, installing cable, and waiting tables and bartending. I like to consider myself a modern-day renaissance man. As you may have noticed, I like to dabble in a bit of everything (including writing).

I try to keep myself busy, stimulate the minds of my children, and ensure my family is heading in the right direction. I’m not always successful in these endeavors, but at least I try.

After toying with the idea of a new job for so long, I actually went out and got one a few weeks ago. I sent out a resume, I got called in for an interview, I dressed up, and I even covered up those awful tattoos of my children’s names (didn’t want to offend anyone, you know). Before I went to my interview, I researched the company, read reviews of customers, and even read reviews by former (or current) employees.

My interview went very well, and less than fifteen minutes later I had a new job. As I drove to pick my kids up from school that afternoon, my heart swelled with pride. I remember hoping that they would be proud of me, and happy that I was doing something different than just waiting tables. I hoped my wife would be proud of me for taking on a “big boy” job once again, and doing something different than just waiting tables. I remember wishing that my parents would be proud of me for doing something positive with my life, and hoping that they would be thankful that I wasn’t in jail somewhere instead.

When the girls got into the car, the first thing they noticed was my flipping sweet outfit. I almost never dress up, and believe me—I was looking mighty dapper that afternoon. I couldn’t hardly contain my smile, and spilled the beans not even five minutes into the car ride home.

“CLEANING CARPETS?!!, one of them exclaimed. “Really dude?”

Sigh…

I’m going to fill you in on something about me here, because I’m going to make an assumption that you have not read every single blog of mine.

When I was younger, my dad fixed appliances. To a kid, having an appliance van parked in front of your house wasn’t the coolest thing that could have happened to you. In fact, I thought it was downright embarrassing that my dad was an appliance repairman. In hindsight, I know he had a good job. He was doing a service for people who needed help, and he was providing for our family the best way he knew how. He started the job when he was 16. He is now in his fifties, and guess what? He still works there. My dad showed me by example what it’s like to be a grown up, be a man, and how to handle responsibility from a very young age. Unfortunately, I was just too stupid to realize it until recently.

Trying to explain “why” I’m choosing to clean carpets for a living now (in addition to waiting tables) to an eleven and almost nine year-old isn’t the easiest thing I’ve done. Believe it or not, but I’m thinking about doing that whole “teach by example” thing my dad did. However, when they don’t start to get it (refer to the very beginning of this blog), I’m going to have to do some good old-fashioned talking.

“Shhhh,” I tell her. “It’s going to be OK. We are all going through some changes right now, and believe me—this one is for the better.”

“How?! How is it better that I see my dad even less?! I already don’t see you that much because I’m in school over half of the time I’m supposed to be over here!”

I really had no answer to give her, except to try and explain how the world works. We need money to survive. Plain and simple, we need money for groceries, for gas, to buy clothes, go out on occasion, etc. We also need to feel important sometimes. I tried to explain to her that Daddy hasn’t been himself recently. I’ve been going through some things deep down inside, that I don’t always portray to everybody else. I tried to explain to her, that I NEED this job, and she NEEDS to understand.

While I’m comforting my oldest, my next oldest comes along the other side of me and rests her head on my shoulder.

“I love you daddy,” she said.

“I love you daddy” just happens to be my most favorite sentence I’ve ever heard these little girls say. I put my arm around her and ensured them both that I love them very much too.

I hope they understand why I did what I did, and why I do what I do. I tried to explain that it’s not only them I am responsible for. I remind them about their two younger sisters. Hopefully, soon they’ll realize I’m trying to be the best dad I can be for all of them. Eventually, they will see a change in my attitude, and I hope they change theirs, as well.

So, I finally got a new job. So far, I love it. Believe me, when I do see my kids every week, I’m going to enjoy every freaking minute of it.

Advertisements

Author:

Hello. I'm a 37 year old installation specialist, former bartender, husband and proud father of five children (all of which are girls).

9 thoughts on “So, I Finally Got a New Job…

  1. This was great =). Very true what is stated here…I mean it isn’t about your job it’s your attitude towards it. You don’t need to be a big shot lawyer to be something…it’s the attitude you have about going to work everyday and your drive to take care of your family etc. yOUR DADS AWSOME REMINDS ME OF MY FAMILY. When I was younger I didn’t understand the whole working thing either with my parents but now that I’m older I see how driven they were because they loved us and wanted to do all they could to take care of us even if that meant wlorking in the kitchen for 13years or doing carpets. You’re girls will understand =) one day it’s just hard cause they love dad so much, i knew that feeling long ago…But great blog.

  2. You’re doing a good job of raising your babies. One of the best things you seem to do is stop, think about what you’re going to say and then say it. Reflection and pondering is not overrated! Hang in there. All the best with the new job!

  3. Jeremy that was an awesome story. Your a great dad and your girls will understand once they get older. Keep up the good work.

  4. Congrats on the new job! You are a great writer. I love reading all your stories. Keep them coming :)! All the best with the new job.

  5. first thoughts: awwwww (for both you and the girls) because I remember when it was my mother that was working 12 hour shifts just to come home and go to sleep. For years I didn’t know she had a personality. I knew she did it to take care of us and I never bothered to ever ask for money because it seemed like she didn’t ever have enough money. Talking to her years later, now a mother myself she told me that she worked that hard so that I COULD ask for money for school trips and “hot-lunch” on thursdays at the private school i went to. She sort of felt bad for not realizing how much i focused on how SHE was doing. I think had the communication been there that we BOTH could’ve found and shared so much more of our personalities with each other.

    I love that you communicate with the girls so honestly, It’s one of the lessons I have tried to invest in my own kids. Yes communication is an investment and has such a huge return emotionally and mentally. Although they are crying now for missing you it’s more of a testament to the great father that you are being for the girls in that you take the time to invest in communicating genuine concern over the well-being of your ENTIRE family. Trusting them to come to terms and understand a bit more.

    I DO think you have a wonderful, wonderful family and I watch your youtube videos all the time. This portion of yourself that you are willing to share with others just gives more insight to the things we DON’T see on youtube and it’s so invaluable and I thank you for always sharing. It makes me look differently at my own husband and for that there aren’t enough words. Thanks.

  6. I just wanted to say thank you for all of your encouraging words. It really means a lot when perfect strangers give me confirmation that I’m heading down the right path. I “expect” my friends to do the same, so it’s definitely nice to hear from others I don’t know that well believing in me also. Thank you!

  7. I found your blog through your wife’s youtube channel and I actually am in tears right now. You are so open and honest and I truly appreciate that. I love how you love your girls (all five :). Even though I don’t know you, I can tell you are an amazing person, husband & dad. You remind me of my husband who will do whatever he has to to provide for us (legally of course lol) even if it’s not the most glamorous.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s