Posted in Audrey, Ella, Elmo, LL Cool J, Monsters, Sleeping

LL Cool J, Elmo, and Monsters


Sesame Street is on right now. Currently, hip-hop legend LL Cool J is being accompanied in rhyme by loveable furry red monster Elmo.

Elmo is showing off his sweet dance moves, and Audrey is staring in front of the television. She has one armed raised, pointer finger pointing directly at the tv, and stating matter-of-factly that Elmo is indeed in front of her.

The fact that she is wearing her new Elmo pajamas that Nana recently purchased her is just icing on the cake. It is moments like these when I truly love being a father.

Let’s go back approximately three hours, however.

*Steps into my fake time-machine*

My wife has been home less than one hour now. She has recently started working on the overnight shift, so she is lying in bed next to me, mouth hanging open, eyes shut, and oblivious to the commotion going on in the room next to us. What commotion, you ask? Well, here we go:

“Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!”

“Ahhhhhhhh!!!!”

“Grrrrrrrrr!!!! Grrrrrrrr!!! Grrrrrrrr!!!”

“Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”

An evil laugh accompanies the next “Grrrrr,” while a terrified “AUDREY, STOP IT, YOU’RE SCARING ME” comes next.

“Please stop it Audrey!! Stop being a scary monster Audrey,” Ella is now pleading.

“GRRRRRRRR!!!” Audrey’s growls get louder with each sincere plea for her to stop. Ella is in obvious distress, now yelling “I’m scared Daddy! I’m scared Mommy! I’m scared of Audrey!!!!”

“Grrrrrr,” and “Please stop Audrey” is all I hear for the next fifteen minutes.

I glance over at my wife. She has now rolled over and pulled the blanket directly over her head. Hmmmm, maybe she isn’t oblivious to the commotion. Nonetheless, it is not even seven AM, and I have no intention of getting up to calm the beast we call Audrey.

All of a sudden, one of the loudest voices I’ve ever heard yells “GO BACK TO SLEEP AUDREY PLEAAAAASE!!!” Ella apparently had enough of Audrey’s shenanigans, and just as quickly as it began, there was silence.

*Steps back into my time machine*

I wish I could tell you that this was a one-time occurrence. However, this is something new we’ve been dealing with the past couple of weeks. The uhhh, “Audrey Monster” doesn’t appear to be going anywhere soon.

Audrey (sometimes)

I’m sure it’s our fault. We teach our kids as much as possible, and when she has a toy dinosaur, or sees a lion, or a bear in a book we accompany that with our own little growl. Of course we want her to correlate the growl with that particular animal, but she is having an issue with doing it all the time now. Audrey loves making the noise, she does it all the stinking time now, and we cannot get her to stop. She’s gone through a couple different phases (there was the one where we just called her “Rocky,” because she hit any and everything). And now she’s a monster every morning.

I’m glad Ella got through to her this morning that her behavior was unacceptable. Audrey better be careful because next time it might be the Mommy or Daddy Monster busting through her bedroom door…

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Hello. I'm a 37 year old installation specialist, former bartender, husband and proud father of five children (all of which are girls).

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