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Coming to Terms…


COME TO TERMS: To confront squarely and come to understand fully and objectively. 526655_10152532066420611_1465192365_n

I’ve been meaning to do this for some time now, this “coming to terms.” There’s a lot of things going on all at once in my life that is forcing me to do this very thing.

By the way, before I get too far into this blog, I would like to point at that I have not one, but two children in my lap. One is being quiet with her blanket on her lap. The other is crawling all around, making a bunch of noise, shaking my arms back and forth, and talking non-stop. So, forgive me if half of this doesn’t make much sense. Then again, because of these kids, is possibly why it will make that much more sense.555929_959032310225_235572427_n

I am looking down at my hands as I type and notice my almost 4 year-old’s hand laying squarely on top of mine. She is very curious as to what I’m doing. Her inquisitive mind is asking questions about what I’m doing, and her fingers are lined up perfectly with mine. I would take a picture, but my phone is on the charger on the other side of the room. At any rate, it’s quite possibly one of the cutest things I have ever seen. It is times like these I can truly appreciate being a father…559975_958943084035_1831013832_n

OK, back to this whole “coming to terms” thing I was talking about. I know I have written about my impending divorce before, but there is just so much more to say. I have so many more feelings I need to portray. I know I don’t owe any of you an explanation, but typing these things out helps my mental health. So, here goes.

“I” am far from perfect. I am full of mistakes, from head to toe. I have made bad decision after bad decision for much of my life. I feel as if I have let so many people down, but at the same time, I know I have proved many wrong.

I am coming to terms with being a single father again. I am coming to terms with allowing myself to care about other people again. I am coming to terms with me not being the person I thought I was. I am coming to terms with my potential. I know for a fact, there are very big things ahead for me and my family.

I am coming to terms that change is inevitable. I am coming to terms that people aren’t always who they portray themselves to be. Sometimes your best friend, is the one who brings you down to size. I am coming to terms that telling the truth is a lot easier than trying to remember a lie. I am coming to terms with the fact that another man has been helping raise a couple of my kids. 181468_10151781129120611_1704243337_nIn fact, he has been with my ex-wife for seven years. I am coming to terms with the fact that although I am still their dad, he is their step-dad and my kids love him too.

I am coming to terms that my children are getting older. Likewise, so am I. I am coming to terms that life has not gone how I initially planned, by I am hopeful that my life will still go on as I am trying to plan it now. I am coming to terms that important things in one person’s life isn’t always important in another person’s life.

I am coming to terms, that my youngest kid will be 3 in two months, and my oldest will be a teenager in 7 months. I was forced to come to terms with my kids getting older this week, because my oldest got braces. I am coming to terms with me not being the nicest guy in the world. I am sorry, to those who have learned this the hard way. I am coming to terms that I have been hurt by people who love(d) me. I am coming to terms that I allowed that to happen. Although I think I know what’s best for me and my family, I have come to terms that me knowing what’s best, is not always what’s best.

I have come to terms with still wanting a family. I still want to wake up every morning next to someone who loves me, supports me, supports us, and does their best for “us.” I want that person, in turn, to force me to want to love them, support them, and forces me to want to do my best for “us.” I have come to terms that I have been a push-over for way too long.

I have come to terms that I really can control my own life. I have come to terms that some things aren’t worth waiting for, and some really are. I have come to terms that people really can change, but sometimes that change brings out the worst in them.

I have come to terms I have not been the best husband. I have come to terms with the fact that I am not the best friend. I am not the best dad I could be. I’m coming to terms with things by typing them out right now for one reason and one reason only. Coming to terms with things sometimes makes you want to do better. Doing better is a good thing. Trust me, I’ve come to terms with that already.

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7 thoughts on “Coming to Terms…

  1. Going through the same thing. “I don’t know” has become my mantra. You think when you get older that you get wiser but in truth sometimes all you get is experience. So I’ve decided to say I don’t know until I get where I want to be and can look back and say “THIS is what I know worked for ME”. Because it doesn’t mean anything to say ” I know” when there are many paths to the same destination. I’m trying to learn the lessons that God is trying to teach me … but the lesson isn’t always so ready to make itself known. I think life will get better, I hope it will and I’m determined to work for it until I see the change I want to be. None of us are perfect and accepting that in ourselves is a step in seeing success in life. To deny that fact would allow others to hold our offenses over our heads and subsequently hold ourselves back. Yes I’m a philosopher of words as are you. I just have to make sense of my life. I appreciate you sharing your growth as you go along. It does help especially when I come across this at a time when I’m experiencing the same.

  2. Introspection is always a good start to overcoming and working through big life changes. It’s sometimes painful, depressing, surprising, etc., but more than anything it helps reaffirm your sense of self. I will say I thought it strong that you want someone to ‘force [you] to love them’ and follow with ‘[you] have been a pushover way too long’. With change and introspection in your life, your thought process and perception of yourself has to change with it. If anyone has to force you to love them, you’ve started on the wrong foot already… And not just for you, but for those depending on you as we’ll. Think about… getting your thoughts out is always a good start. It’ll be a long road, but you have readers, friends and family rooting for you ;) good luck!

  3. Hmmmnnnn… Love it. It’s forcing me to think about the things that I’m coming to terms with and understand that it doesn’t have to be all bad but actually it’s all about learning and growing. It’s an empowering place to be …
    Stay blessed

  4. I’ve been crying a lot lately. Mostly at home, sometimes in therapy. Today I turned a sort of corner in my marriage, where I started to acknowledge that maybe this wasn’t going to work. Maybe I can’t wait forever. Maybe I can’t continue to work on myself, while maintaining an identity so close to someone who has her own self to find. Maybe I can work the financials out so that my kids don’t starve, and neither do I.

    There are still a lot of maybes out there that don’t get a nod from me yet. Like maybe it would be ok for another man to raise my kids with my wife. Maybe I will find love again. Maybe I can’t help her anymore. Those get an angry scream. Those have me shouting “No!” there are fewer of those than there used to be. There are more than I’d like.

    Your post helped me. I hadn’t cried at work yet. I hadn’t let myself feel what I was going through. It hurt too much and I had too much to do. You helped me through that barrier.

    Thank you.

  5. Hey… read through the post and I just want to share something with you. I know you don’t know me or even have to read my comment but pls take the time to just consider what I have to say. I don’t know if you already know this or not but there’s someone phenomenal that you should know about. Without Him life just doesnt make sense, it is one sad phase that we all have to go through. Filled with lots of hurts and some happiness here and there but sometimes, the sadness seems to overshadow the good days. This person is Jesus, He was sent by His Father, God, to die on the cross of calvary for our sins. You see, God loves us sooooo much. It’s one thing that most people, including myself, may never understand. His love is unconditional, so regardless of your ethnicity, colour, language, culture etc He still loves us. No matter how terrible our past mistakes are, He still loves us. Yes, even if you’ve killed someone or hurt someone, He still loves us. He is extremely holy but we as humans are prone to sin, we’re not perfect at all. To cut the long story short, He sent His only son, Jesus, as a “stand-in-between” (dunno how else to say this, lol) but Jesus took on ALLLL ours sins so that we may become holy and fellowship with GOD our maker. Anyways, God loves you and He is waiting for you to call on Him. All you have to do is believe that He is real, ask Him to wash away all your sins with the precious blood of Jesus and accept him into your life. And oh what joy, life will not be any easier but you have someone to turn to, who can you give you peace and joy in the midst of your storms. He’ll help you be the best dad you can be. Trust God and you will never be the same. Try to get a bible and read it daily and see the transformation you will experience. It’s your choice though, I always say, “why not? what have you got to lose?”. God bless you =)

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